Who would you be without your story?

images.jpgOn the 3rd of July 2017, I became free. I was amused to notice that the single digit number of that date is a 9 which in numerology happens to be the number of completion. It just amused me.
On the 3rd of July 2017, I attended a workshop with Byron Katie about The Work and I stumbled upon the dialogue with myself I had been yearning for. The dialogue that opens up all limitations I self impose on myself through the beliefs I decide to buy into.
The Work is so powerful and yet so simple. It works wonders for brainy people like me.
The Work is an invitation to enquire into our mind. It consists of 4 questions towards our beliefs in any specific situation:
– is it true?
– Is it really, absolutely true?
– how do you feel when you believe that thought?
– Who would you be without that story?
You question, you see your answers and then you turn around.
What I loved about Byron Katie is that she is not a preacher. She didn’t try to convince me of anything or asked me to believe in her beliefs. I actually didn’t see that she holds any belief. She asked: who would you be without your story? and she caught my attention. I had been contemplating that question for a while and this woman, is standing in front of me and she looks very serious with her question. I decide to trust that it’s safe to wonder.
She insists not to believe in a any answer but to meditate on the questions and allow the answer to emerge from the depth of our inner stillness.
In the stillness of my heart, I asked myself at each moment this morning: who would you be without your story?
I don’t know and I notice a fear arising which says: you need to find an answer. I notice how unsettling this thought it.
I hear myself questioning my thought: Is this true? As I raise the question, I notice that I have created a space between my fear and the unknown.
I ask myself: Do you really need to find an answer? I don’t think so. I am free to decide that I actually don’t. I don’t need an answer to that question. So the belief is not true.
I notice that when I believe I need to find answer, stress arises in my body, I become tense and feel an urge to stop the discomfort.
“Who would you be without that story?”. In this case, the story is the need to find an answer and I notice that without that story, I am excited, enthusiastic, curious, alert about what is going to happen and I have no clue, no clue.
I turn the belief around: “I don’t need to find an answer…. the answer can find me.” That feels really good. I am free.
The thought picks up again: So, where is it? Where is the answer? I don’t know. I have no clue. I have no clue.
I notice again the fear arising: “what no clue? what if it doesn’t come? you need to know”. And as the thought arises, I notice how simply I ask: “Is this true?” and in the depth of my heart, I know it’s not true.
As I believe the thoughts that I need to know what I am doing, that I need to be in control, that I can’t just not know, I notice how the thought becomes stronger and more convincing. I notice the surge of an emotion that constricts the spaciousness in my body, I notice how my world view shrinks. “Is this true? Is this really, absolutely true?”. 
“Yes, it’s true”, I tell myself. I feel it in my body, I have many experiences in my memory that this was true and I recall how miserable in felt in such and such occasions because I didn’t have the answer;  I can also project in the future that when I don’t know the answer, something terrible is going to happen. The fear is taking over. The space in me becomes even smaller and I notice a higher level of stress. I want to disconnect because I don’t like the discomfort.
I notice that nothing is happening apart from my inner dialogue.
The question arises again: “who would you be without all that story?”. I pause and reflect. The question has created a space between all that is happening inside of me. I notice that all of that inner turmoil is triggered by my thoughts. “Who would you be without that story?”. I would be free, still.
Let’s go there. I drop the story: I don’t need to know. The answer can find me or not. It’s not my problem. I breathe.
Suddenly, every moment becomes totally exciting. I don’t know what is going to happen and it’s totally fascinating. I am eager, curious, free. This is the space I had been looking for!
“Is this true?” Well, no it’s not. But it’s so exciting! Come on, I love it here. “who would you be without THAT story?”
Fair enough, I drop that thought. I am back in the space again instead of jumping on my thoughts about the space.
All the questions that were so haunting me suddenly stop their pressure:
– what I am going to do with my life? Dropped.
– who do I want to become? Dropped.
– am I a good mother? Dropped.
– Do I know enough? Enough for what? Dropped
– Why is my daughter coughing again? Dropped.
– why did he say that yesterday? I don’t care! Dropped.
– When am I going to write a book? I don’t know! Dropped.
Honestly! Let’s drop it. Do you know what’s the fragrance of your next breath? You don’t.
A few years ago, I made the vow to become an empty vessel for Spirit to live through me. That may very well be the opportunity that I can seize. And that’s also just a thought… Dropped.
Thoughts arise, I enquire. Apart from that, I can just be free. Totally free to question everything I have self constructed and allow life to take me where it wants to. The question is now: am I ready? I don’t have an answer to that…
I can share that I am free right now and if you would like to experience that, why not try for yourself? You’re the only one who can know for yourself what your answer is.
What is the worse that can happen?
That you don’t know the answer!

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